First Baptist Church of Herndon

It's Really a Shame

Linda Soller | Oct 08, 2018

At church we have been looking at how we should value and protect children. I heard the word shame and frankly I felt like it was one of those words I use but can’t adequately define. If I say it was a shame Saturday was rainy, then I mean it was too bad or a pity. That isn’t the “shame” we need to protect our children from. It’s a shame when our children experience painful feelings that result from regret, self-hate, or embarrassment. What is really a shame, is when adults set children up to suffer those feelings. We may not do it on purpose, but we all do it at one time or another.

A child feels overwhelmed by the grown-ups around them. The more the adults try to be friendly the more the child seems to melt into their parent’s side for comfort and protection. The parent is embarrassed and fusses with the child, in front of the strangers. It’s a shame the child now feels their honest harmless reaction is something they should be embarrassed about.

A child can’t join the team because they can’t afford the uniform. They wish they never learned how to play, but no adult notices or discusses options. A child looks different from their classmates, and the classmates point it out again and again until the child hates the way they look. They can’t remember the last time someone praised the traits that make them special.  Yet another child lashes out physically. It’s the way things are handled at home. Suddenly they are in trouble with people staring at them. They feel embarrassed, doesn’t everyone’s family hit one another. 

We cannot protect our children from every hurtful word or difficult situation. We can help by keeping our own words and actions in check. We can explain how some dead ends can lead to even better paths. We can love them unconditionally and help them find role models, or we can be a role model.  It’s a shame when children experience avoidable pain, pain adults might have prevented, or relieved. It’s really a shame when we don’t even try.    

Have a great week!  :o) Linda